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Sat, Feb. 2nd, 2008, 08:31 am

I've been shopping for a flat-screen plasma tv recently. We are in the process of closing on a house and have decided to purchase all new furniture, carpet, appliances, etc. It's only a couple of years old but we have some money and really want to add our own taste to it. I enjoy looking for new stuff with my wife but unfortunately, I have a one-track mind. My only real interest is in the plasma tv.  I caught up with a friend of mine and we were discussing the new house and all of it's features. By that I mean; we discussed the tv and stereo situation. My friends and I tend to grunt out our communications. Like this:

"Hey Mike, what's up?"

"Not much, Bill....how's the house situation?"

"Good. Looking at a plasma."

"Yeah? 1080 dpi?"

"Yeah....and 58 inch."

"Sweet!"

"Talk to you later"

"Yeah, see ya."

My wife has a totally different approach to shopping than I do. She spends a meticulous amount of time going over patterns and styles. I admit my eyes start to glaze over when confronted with this rather ominous chore of searching for home comforts. I do it because she enjoys my company and wishes me to be involved in the process. I get it...I really do.

However, it becomes a gender-gap thing in that I do not have any male friends who enjoy shopping; unless it has to do with electronics or taking a mini-vacation to Cabela's. Women, through the generations, have always "dragged" their husbands and boyfriends shopping. Why do they do this? Especially when she has no interest in heading off to Best Buy to peruse the vast assortment of electronic gadgets. I realize this is extremely selfish of me but tough shit. I do make the attempt to look after her well-being but....what about me? 

It seems....wait, hold on a minute.....

WAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

Ok, I feel better now. It seems that I've lived by the mantra of caring for women. Looking after their needs but I'm becoming a bit agitated in that "selfish streaks" are becoming more commonplace in my life. I do not wish to be the guy who is married, has all the toys and his wife is left with the crumbs to shop at Walmart for clothes. 

A perfect example is this married couple whose house I pass occasionally on my way to work. It's a ranch-style house and in the driveway is a $45,000 pick-up with a large canopy over it. There is no garage so in order to keep "his baby" out of the elements, he purchased the canopy thing. I really could care less about it except that the other car in the driveway is a beat-up four-door Chevy Celebrity...or maybe it's a Buick Century. It's rusty and God only knows how many miles are on the poor thing. This piece of shit is driven by his wife. Nothing says "love" like a man showing his manhood by leaving his "better-half" to brave the elements of snow and ice with machinery I wouldn't trust to survive two miles while he easily plows through with a 4x4. Ah....love. 

I don't want to be like that asshole. I admit I struggle sometimes because the voice of reason tells me to make sure my wife is happy. This is primarily the reason I never could survive in the seedy underworld of financial domination. I want something out of it. I guess I live in my own twisted parallel universe in that I wish to serve women in all that I do and yet I want to play pool with an evil Alpha-Female who takes all of my money while she wears a white turtleneck sweater. It's probably that I've separated sexual situations from love and worship of women. I wish to please "good women" in everyday life and when the sexual urges hit, I want to be taken advantage of. No good-hearted Alpha-Female will use her wardrobe for monetary gain. At least, I don't think so....

I will keep plugging away with the home furnishings shopping and try to minimize my selfish need to have a kick-ass plasma tv. It does make for a more pleasant relationship. 

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